#11 in Cardioscopy

#34 in Psychopediatrology

#602 in Gastropulmocologiatric Esophoreneatry



Search Patient Records | Report Your Death

Colorectal Cancer
Our favorite patient
is missing. We've looked everywhere, including the morgue. Call with any leads.
Veggies are healthy
We're saving children
Fighting cancer
It just takes one
Nutrition Month
Our favorite patient
Veggies are healthy
except when they give you AIDS, so watch out.
We're saving children
Fighting cancer
It just takes one
Neurosurgery
Our favorite patient
Veggies are healthy
We're saving children
but not this one, he's dead.
Fighting cancer
It just takes one
The Bradley School
Our favorite patient
Veggies are healthy
We're saving children
Fighting cancer
even when it's hiding in a little girl's backpack.
It just takes one
Newport Hospital Pulmonary
Our favorite patient
Veggies are healthy
We're saving children
Fighting cancer
It just takes one
sociopath to tamper with the medication and then we're totally screwed.

Things To Scare You

Fun Events For Terminal Patients

The radiation from a pack of dental floss may significantly increase your odds of death.

Dental floss may be the latest killer in a long (unwaxed) string of deadly bathroom supplies, according to a study in the latest issue of Flosstalk, which is the only magazine available in most of our waiting areas.

Also frightening:

Additional reasons to live in fear...

Guess What's Leaking?

Join our custodial staff as we hunt for the problem throughout the Center For The Insured and the just-renovated Stillborn Pavilion.


Toilet Safety Classes

We all know toilets can be fun, but a few simple tips can ensure that you live to see your next bowel movement.

Latest Lawsuits

Are You Choking?

Oops, It's a Tumor

If it looks like a tumor, and smells like a tumor... it's probably a tumor. Lesson learned for three doctors in our radiology department.

Try Chewing Your Food

But if that doesn't work, our newly-updated Choking Center is open from noon until 4, Monday to Wednesday, by appointment only.