If you clicked on this page because you are looking to find your doctor, because he has abandoned you in the middle of surgery, this is not the correct page on our website. Instead, if you are able to move your legs, go to room 736 between the hours of 9AM and 5PM to file a Missing Doctor Report and then return to the operating room and wait patiently. Someone will assist you shortly, and with any luck it will be someone capable of finishing the procedure. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If, however, you are looking for one of St. Deathsdoor's many award-winning, still-licensed, qualified-to-work-on-humans, and often-even-a-little-bit-attractive physicians, you have come to the right place.
Click here to sort by specialty. Click here if you are looking to limit your search to licensed physicians only (and be ashamed of yourself-- it's only the legacy of discrimination against unlicensed physicians that keeps them from being fully respected today). Click here to meet our Resident of the Month.
To learn more about the difference between an M.D. degree and an M.F.A., and why both can offer quality medical care, click here. Click here to explore both sides of the hand-washing debate. Click here to learn about our efforts to recruit the first woman doctor to St. Deathsdoor, and click here to be taken to our doctor rape reporting page, where you can fill out a satisfaction survey.
Looking for a doctor? Look no further. We mean it. The doctors here can't be compared to anyone else without suffering quite seriously in the comparison, so, please, stop your search. What you don't know can't hurt you.