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Just kidding. We'll charge you. But, seriously, don't you hate hospitals that will only write you prescriptions you need? Not here. You want to pay for it, we'll write it, no questions asked. It's part of our "customer is always right" initiative. You want an MRI on your foot, just for fun? Not a problem. You want three hundred tablets of oxycontin? We'll figure something out. It's just too hard otherwise. Patients yelling at us, throwing things, threatening us. We're tired of it. We want to be liked. We're not bad people, we're trying to help, we just can't deal with the stress anymore. So we figure maybe if we just give up, do what you want, write the scripts, order the tests, capitulate to your uninformed whims and desires, then you'll be friendly and peaceful and not put up so much of a fight. It's far too easy for us to forget that we know things, when all of you keep arguing with us and saying we don't. So you think you have that thing you saw a commercial about and you need three pills a day of Leprosin? Leprosin isn't even a real drug, but we'll give it to you. Maybe it's a sugar pill, maybe it's whatever we have lying around, but we'll throw a label on it, and it's yours. Enjoy. Stop yelling. We're nice people.

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