Need a place to store an elderly person? Look no further. When your loved one has outlived his or her usefulness, call us for help. We collect unwanted senior citizens and give them pneumonia, urinary tract infections, and hallucinogenic drugs until they die. The particularly stubborn ones get pushed down a flight of stairs. Painless for families, we make it easy to finally collect inheritances, free up valuable living space, and stop having to deal with the annoyances old people bring to your lives.
Studies even show we're far more humane than 96% of nursing homes and assisted living facilities.