#11 in Cardioscopy

#34 in Psychopediatrology

#602 in Gastropulmocologiatric Esophoreneatry

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Refinance Your Home

If you're like most patients, your home isn't worth enough to pay your hospital bill. But if it is, we can help take that home from you, and stop the bill collectors. "But I need a home," you might be thinking. More than you need your eyes? If not, click to sell us your organs. But if so, maybe letting us take your house doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Besides, we'll let you live in a patient room. With a friendly, infected patient who will be happy to share his or her space. We'll even let you scavenge off the hospital food he chooses not to eat or can't keep down. It's options like these that make us the state's #1 hospital ranked by patients who become homeless after their stay here. Contact our friendly relocation team in room 433 for more information.